2022 Valentine’s Survival Kit For The Lonely And Miserable

Lonely and miserable seems a bit harsh, innit? Well, you know what they say about the truth being bitter🌝.

If you were here last week, Welcome back to A’s Chronicles and if you’re new here, grab your seat fast before seats finish, I mean, it’s lovely to have you here!🤩

It’s Valentine’s day again… and since You clicked on the link to this post, I’m assuming you’re single 🌝….and you might already be building your walls and setting your armour against all the
oppression that will be lunged at you from your ‘loverbird counterparts’

I feel your pain..

I really do…

And I’m here to help😁

To obtain maximum peace of mind and block all the arrows of oppression that will be fired at you in this Valentine’s period, I’m sharing with you a few tips that’ll help you scale through unscathed.

Oya, tell me thank you 💆

Here we go….

Don’t share quotes on your handles about how awesome single life is, that is just pretentious and a glaring sign of how miserable you are…

Do this instead:

Switch off all your devices, yes boys and girls…you don’t want to be besieged by photos and videos of all your friends being all lovey-dovey (Bleurggh).

Or just don’t buy data.

Flight/Airplane mode works too.

Put on the most romantic music you have in the privacy of your room and grab a mop stick for a slow dance (said mop stick must have been thoroughly washed and disinfected previously)

Your mind plays an important role in this part; hold your mopstick gbe sunmo ko ma fête and conjure up the imagination of your dream lover while you slow dance. Never underestimate the power of the mind, anything is possible if you believe. No smooching… please, have some dignity, you’re lonely not loony.

Ladies and gentlemen, throw your body goals in the mud for
that night only. Indulge in chocolate, ice-cream, candy, pastries…you name
it till you’re on a sugar high.

Or better still, go around ruining everyone else’s Valentine’s date. You’re miserable so everyone might as well be as miserable as you, right? Resume office as the Valentine’s version of The Grinch.

The most important tip is to know that: Love is overrated, Self-love ti wa okay. Abi how you see am?

And just incase you don’t want to carry last on Monday, this is for you👇👇

This Valentine’s, I’m here for you at the right price!

Just for a thousand naira only (or it’s equivalent in dollars, pounds, rupees, franc..and others), I’ll write you the most romantic message that eyes have ever seen, that will make you blush like a little girl and even give you butterflies in your stomach😉

Or…

Pay me a sum of ten thousand naira and get the loveliest and most thoughtful Valentine’s gift in the world. Pay me to surprise you☺️ (no one has to know 😉)

You know my email nau… send me a message, let’s talk business. Let’s make this Valentine’s one of the most memorable ones you’ll ever experience.

P.S : If none of the above options seem palatable to you, you can always cry yourself to sleep. How much is a box of tissues or two?

P.P.S: This post was compiled for entertainment and comedic purposes only, take seriously at your own risk.

They say one good turn deserves another. I’ve helped you, now it’s time for you to help me 😌. I’m requesting my Valentine’s gift in advance and I don’t ask for much, just input your email address to support this blog if you’d like to see more posts like this.

Leave a comment and share if you loved this post! (especially to all your Single Pringle friends🌝)

And remember even if nobody loves you, Jesus loves you ( here’s where I’m supposed to add ‘and I love you’ but I don’t know you 🌝)

So Bye!

Don’t leave without dropping a comment o..

With love from Adora 😘