Lonely and miserable seems a bit harsh, innit? Well, you know what they say about the truth being bitterš.
If you were here last week, Welcome back to A’s Chronicles and if youāre new here, grab your seat fast before seats finish, I mean, itās lovely to have you here!š¤©
Itās Valentineās day again… and since You clicked on the link to this post, I’m assuming you’re single š….and you might already be building your walls and setting your armour against all the
oppression that will be lunged at you from your āloverbird counterparts’
I feel your pain..
I really do…
And Iām here to helpš
To obtain maximum peace of mind and block all the arrows of oppression that will be fired at you in this Valentineās period, Iām sharing with you a few tips thatāll help you scale through unscathed.
Oya, tell me thank you š
Here we go….
Donāt share quotes on your handles about how awesome single life is, that is just pretentious and a glaring sign of how miserable you are…
Do this instead:
Switch off all your devices, yes boys and girls…you donāt want to be besieged by photos and videos of all your friends being all lovey-dovey (Bleurggh).
Or just donāt buy data.
Flight/Airplane mode works too.
Put on the most romantic music you have in the privacy of your room and grab a mop stick for a slow dance (said mop stick must have been thoroughly washed and disinfected previously)
Your mind plays an important role in this part; hold your mopstick gbe sunmo ko ma fĆŖte and conjure up the imagination of your dream lover while you slow dance. Never underestimate the power of the mind, anything is possible if you believe. No smooching… please, have some dignity, youāre lonely not loony.
Ladies and gentlemen, throw your body goals in the mud for
that night only. Indulge in chocolate, ice-cream, candy, pastries…you name
it till youāre on a sugar high.
Or better still, go around ruining everyone elseās Valentineās date. Youāre miserable so everyone might as well be as miserable as you, right? Resume office as the Valentineās version of The Grinch.
The most important tip is to know that: Love is overrated, Self-love ti wa okay. Abi how you see am?
And just incase you don’t want to carry last on Monday, this is for youšš
This Valentine’s, I’m here for you at the right price!
Just for a thousand naira only (or itās equivalent in dollars, pounds, rupees, franc..and others), Iāll write you the most romantic message that eyes have ever seen, that will make you blush like a little girl and even give you butterflies in your stomachš
Or…
Pay me a sum of ten thousand naira and get the loveliest and most thoughtful Valentineās gift in the world. Pay me to surprise youāŗļø (no one has to know š)
You know my email nau… send me a message, letās talk business. Letās make this Valentineās one of the most memorable ones youāll ever experience.
P.S : If none of the above options seem palatable to you, you can always cry yourself to sleep. How much is a box of tissues or two?
P.P.S: This post was compiled for entertainment and comedic purposes only, take seriously at your own risk.
They say one good turn deserves another. I’ve helped you, now it’s time for you to help me š. Iām requesting my Valentineās gift in advance and I donāt ask for much, just input your email address to support this blog if you’d like to see more posts like this.
Leave a comment and share if you loved this post! (especially to all your Single Pringle friendsš)
And remember even if nobody loves you, Jesus loves you ( hereās where Iām supposed to add ‘and I love you’ but I donāt know you š)
So Bye!
Donāt leave without dropping a comment o..
With love from Adora š
What did you do like this?! ššš¤§
Mop stick. This mop stick here is shorter than me, how will I do it?
šš This is so funny.
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Buy a new mop stickšššš
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šš
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I will buy data and go online, I want to see nice nice pics. People who are dating and claim they are not.
Be like I go buy oppression for myself that dayššš
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Lmaoo..Buy oppression ššš
Good luck on your quest, Revy šš
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Buy data and watch tiktok šš¤£
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šš
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What is the meaning of this gbe sunmo ko ma fĆŖte?š And I love youšā¤ļø
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Ask Falzšš. He used it in his song, I just stole the lineš. And I love you moreš
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I don’t know what to do with you this girl ššš so u cannot be kind and write us aweet love message abi ? Even on the day of love and gifts u want to do business …. ‘Cry yourself to sleep!??’ Ahhh šš
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This post was me being kind and trying to help you guys nauššš
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Thank God I’m not single š
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You’re safešš. Enjoy your Valentine’s and try not to oppress the rest of usš¤²
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AJ,hmmmmm š
I love it anyways šš
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Thank you, Someone šāØ
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If I tell you this didn’t make me smile then I would be lying to you šš¤£š..
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I’m glad I was able to make you smile ššš¤©š¤©
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šššš
Really don’t know what to say
You write so good
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Thank you š„ŗš
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Nope. I thank you š
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Valentine is long gone and I’m not even a single pringle but just had to comment cause I love the way you write. Good stuff!
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I’m glad you like it, Tolu šš
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This is quite humorous, very different from other valentine postsšš
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I’m glad you liked it š
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